Monday, February 25, 2013

Finally, could this be it?

Should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere?



I feel like Rachel Berry.
No, not about being the biggest fish in a glee club but being a loser with an eye on a man that she'll never have a chance on.
Ok, that sounds super pathetic. But i bet you all know i'm a drama queen so, as a queen ; 'bigger is better'
Ok, i'm not a drama queen.
I just feel super blue and keep wondering something like; "does he even know?"
Some friends say "HOW FOOL YOU ARE HE ALREADY KNEW ABOUT IT!!!!"
Yes...... i just need a bright spot that make this thing super-crystal-clear. Because i'm a-little-insensitive about things like these. Yeah, laugh on me people. Laugh on me.
And i admit that i'm not the greatest person who can keep a secret about herself. I actually, literally let my friends know about him. And yes yes yes super yes you can call me an Idiot, but, this is the reason; I cannot hold it anymore. I need many friends to share with. Like, many.

Ok, back to the topic.
The drama is almost over. (and when i say the drama; it means drama, a group-task from a teacher). And that's awful. I falled for him because of this task. And thinking that it will over soon makes me sad.
Blue blue blue like the ocean.
But, is ocean blue?

I'm afraid that we will go back to strangers with each other because it's over. Nooooooo.

And like Rachel Berry, i'm afraid to compete with this Quinn girl because she's much better than me in almost every ways. But like Rachel Berry, i will always believe in myself.







Sunday, February 24, 2013

To be the only yours, I pray.

Sunday morning, rain is coming.
And somehow my heart is still blue since yesterday evening.
How can you do not understand?
That i'm who'll always there to give you a hand.


Yesterday saturday afternoon was a big disaster. I don't exactly know why, i just feeling blue since i woke up yesterday. And after a dreamy week, i can feel my confidence is going down, down, down.
It is because of him. It's always hard to see him sit aside by another girls, and it's getting harder when that girl, is his close friend. I don't know, friendliness can lead into something right? And my heart is getting tired, and tired, and tired of hoping.
And i don't even tell you what's worse.
We have this teamwork task, and i went to another friend house to do it. By him. With a motorcycle.
And he like didn't say a word about anything, and when i ask something like, 'you mad at me?' he didn't reply with any words, like no or yes.
Absolutely yes.
Yes like, yes, he mad at me.
Yes like, yes, he super mad at me.
It was began with this confrontation i had with his bestfriend ( a boy) about the importance of being in the back seat. And he heard it. And he mad. He was like, super quiet.
And rain was falling down when we arrived at my friend's house.
Since my friend wasn't at home yet, we wait outside her house. And like, still quiet. Awkward.
Then i asked him again, 'do you MAD at me?'
He replied, "you said that you didn't understand why people like x, y and me prefer to being in the back seat. We aren't like you, who can do it (test) everywhere"
'So you mad at me?'
"Think about it by yourself"
'If i say i'm sorry will you forgive me?'
And that was it. I went to the right side, and he went to the left side. Standing side by side under the rain, with no-no-no words. I honestly want to cry and said 'please please please say something' but i can't.
And rain keep falling down.
And after what had happened yesterday i just want to sing I feel pretty/unpretty song and 'Only Hope'. It's like, please, let me be your only one.
And yes, another friends finally arrived at that house and we came in her house. And still, we both keep quiet. And our friends keep asking "'Why are you guys so quiet?"'
The tense was decrease when we did a dance practice. We started to talk with each other. But still................


To be the only yours, i pray.